so‧cial‧i‧za‧tion  /ˌsoʊʃələˈzeɪʃən/ Pronunciation[soh-shuh-luh-zey-shuhn]
–noun
1. a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.

SOCIALIZATION OF HOMESCHOOLERS

Lest anyone think that my children are perfect, I should remind you that I generally only blog the good stuff about them. :) They are pretty darn awesome though!

I have a few tricks that work for us pretty well (at least I think they do, I will have to do a follow up to this report in about 15 - 20 years).

The first comes from Richard and Linda Eyre. It is our rules. We have only four LAWS in our house that must be followed. They pretty much cover everything that I need them too and they are easy to remember because we made them into a song. It goes, "Peace, Order, Asking, Obedience - These are the Reeder's Laws." Pretty easy, huh. Even the neighbor kids can learn our laws pretty quickly and they can choose to follow the laws or go home, so far everyone has choosen to follow the laws. (We don't usually introduce the laws to the neighbors unless one is about to be broken, at which point it is nice to have quick easy to learn laws.)

The second is our "Reeder's Quest for Zion" ladder. I think it is the Articles of Faith Scripture Scouts CDs that talk about Zion (AofF #10)- We love Scripture Scouts! They are great to introduce Gospel topics that are tough for a mom to pin down. Anyway after we learned about Zion, we could try to make our home be like Zion. I dug out an old corkboard and painted a ladder with 9 rungs on it. The ninth rung is Zion of course and everyone starts there and tries to stay there. I will try to describe it as best as I can - it' too big to scan and I did something to the camera filming an original play called, "Teddy Grahams eat Honey" this morning so I can't take a picture (perhaps I will blog more on the lessons learned in drama later).
Rung #9 = ZION
Rung #8= Friends, trips, and treats
Rung #7 = Computer/TV
Rung #6 = Play outside or do crafts
Rung #5 = Games or writing/drawing
Rung #4 = Play legos or babies
Rung #3 = Read Books or do Workbook pages
Rung #2 = Chores and Thinking time
Rung #1 = Puppy Line

We use push pins in the cork board to mark where each kid is on the ladder (Colin is blue, Robyn is Red, and Grace is green - Grace hasn't exactly learned cause and effect yet so it isn't as effective for her, but she likes to be big so we let her.)
You can do whatever you are high enough on the ladder to do. For example if you are in Zion you can do anything on the ladder, if you are only on rung 6 and a friend wants to play you have to say "sorry, I am not high enough on the ladder right now."
I get to decide how many rungs are moved either up or down depending on the severity of the disruption from Zion. The kid who takes us out of Zion by breaking one of the laws has to move his own pin down how ever many I say (usually two rungs). When someone helps make our home more like Zion by following the laws (coming when called, doing jobs without being asked, reading stories to Grace.....) then I will ask them to move up rungs. Sometimes if someone (usually Robyn) is already at Zion and is caught being extra helpful then I give them a small treat or a snuggle in the rocking chair to read a favorite book or something. When we are out (like at a doctor's office), you can still lose or gain rungs and I remind them of that when I need them to be especially good.
At first there was a lot of moving up and down rungs, but lately everyone has been staying up near 8. Its very nice. It has also helped me to recognize when the kids are being good and reward good behavior at least as often as I get after them for poor behavior. The main advantage is that it really helps everyone to recognize that they are responsible for their our choices and how they use their agency deterimes what they can and can not do (it's not just that mom is being mean). It is fun on a Friday night to occasionally say, " Hey, everyone is high enough on the ladder for a special trip - let's go out to eat." I think it helps everyone feel that they earned the trip instead of feeling entitled to a trip.

The third is that we spend time as a family studying and talking about scripture. Randy and I read the BOM each morning before he leaves for work. The kids are welcome to join us if they want to but we don't require it and if they choose to come they have to be reverent. (They usually do chose to join us if they are awake. But before when we required it - let's just say scripture study wasn't all that spiritual.) I usually talk about what we read that morning at breakfast when they are eating so I have their attention and yet they are busy. I also read the BOM with Colin at night if he askes me too - some nights he does, some nights he doesn't. We listen to Scripture Scout CDs and talk about them when we need to.
When issues or questions come up, I try to use scripture to address them. Like when agency issues come up, we talk about stories like Jonah (he didn't have a lot of agency inside the whale) and Nephi (Helman 10) where he was so righteous that God gave him power to bind and loose on earth and in heaven.
Or when we were having issues of Colin "fertilizing" the girls' "eggs" when they were playing house so babies could come out of their tummies. (YIKES, I was NOT ready for that one! He didn't know exactly how it worked and everyone stayed fully clothed, but I was not comfortable with that kind of play.) Colin and I snuggled on the couch that happened to have a proclaimation on the wall behind it and we talked. Luckily we had been listening to scripture scouts Proclaimation on the Family so we were both familiar with it. We talked about that God made boys and girls different and Heavenly Father wants us to make babies but that the "sacred powers of procreation were to be employed" only by married moms and dads. We talked about how that was too sacred to play in pretend. He actually asked me (he's 5!!!!) exactly how a dad fertilizes a mom's egg, so I told him. I am really glad to have my first "Birds and the Bees" talk over with. It wasn't as bad as it could have been and I really feel like the spirit was with us as we talked and used the prophet's words so it was sacred not nasty or something.
It is nice to use scripture so it not just some crazy idea that mom has! We all want to follow Jesus, not Satan and the scriptures pretty much tell it like it is.

I have read A LOT of parenting books and I have found that many of them are written by people who's kids did not turn out so they are writing what they should have done - not very credible sources in my mind. One parenting book that actually helped me was "Your Children will Whistle while They Work" by James J Jones. The more helpful part of the book is about three paragraphs in the introduction on page 6 where he talks about "The Two Great Opposing Beliefs about the Nature of Man." He says that the two belief systems are 1 - People are free to choose for themselves in life and will, therefore, learn to avoid pain and seek happiness and that they are responsible for the consequences of those choices. And 2- We people are not capable of making the "right" choices in life and must therefore be controlled and forced to do what others believe is best for us. I had an epiphany when I read that about my own parenting and just who's "plan" I was following in my home and who's "plan" that I wanted to follow. Life has been MUCH better since we started following the Great Plan of Happiness.
(Dr. Jones book also helped me to help the kids learn cause and effect, which has to be learned before the ladder will work - we liked the star charts to help us focus on ONE behavior that was driving me crazy at a time. For example, when ever Colin is difficult to get a long with, he crosses his eyebrows. We made a starchart to help remind him not to cross his eyebrows about two years ago and he has been much more pleasant since! Funny how focusing on not crossing your eyebrows when you speak also helps you sound more pleasant.)

Anyway this got kinda long. Hopefully it is helpful to someone.